Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
