I molested 6 butterflies tonight
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
