God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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