no, he came in my armpit
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
