i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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