If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
