he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
