I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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