Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
