Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
