Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
