I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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