It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
