i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
