This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
