I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
