so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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