You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
