We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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