Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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