he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
