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Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
