I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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