had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
whose parrot is this?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
