Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
