I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
