your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
FUCK WHALES
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
