He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I love you. Go after that dick
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