I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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