Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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