Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
