wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
