what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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