Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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