this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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