1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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