Your dad touched me again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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