He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
