Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
