Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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