stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
