Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
