Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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