I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
