If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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