So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think i have herpe
just one?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
