Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
