um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
