the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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