Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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