my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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