you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
