can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this just has baby written all over it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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