i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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