i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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