shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
