did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
