i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize