why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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