I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize