my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
