I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
