I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize