Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
