I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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