I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
