We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize